The Drarry Ransom
by VampireRide
Summary: (Sequel to The Last Pink Starburst but you don't have to read it to understand) Figgy Crack-fic. One blonde dork with a dark-haired boyfriend writes fanfiction about another blonde dark with a dark-haired boyfriend. Chaos ensues and Ella's true colors are revealed.


**This is not proofread and I'm sorry in advance.**

 **I do not own MR, HP, FOB, or anything else that I don't own that's mentioned in this story.**

 **Furthermore, I do not apologize for the stupidity even though it makes me cry. Read on if you dare.**

 _Draco glared at Harry with the intensity of a police officer's flashlight shining in a drunk person's eyes. He had always looked at the golden boy in this fashion, but tonight Harry noticed something different. There was a glint that sparkled; something so out of place he forced his gaze to hold. What was that emotion? Pure hatred… or maybe, if he thought about it long enough, pure love._

 _Harry shot his green eyes down towards his shoes, taking a deep breath as Draco stepped forward. He couldn't take the tension anymore. It was bubbling up like a volcano, and at any moment the explosion would be enough to melt a whole city. "Potter," Draco finally spat, and the dark haired boy tapped his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose as he turned to look at Draco Malfoy._

 _His white blonde hair was unusually unkempt, and his grey eyes held a storm like no one had ever seen before. It was lightning- the glint in his eyes- searching for something worth striking. "What?" Harry finally demanded, his voice a pitiful attempt at matching Draco's intensity. There had been a time where he could do it with little effort, but now standing in the depths of the Room of Requirement, surrounded by a comfortable room and Draco's scent he couldn't help but to lose the strength that once held him up._

" _Don't ever make me wait that long again." All at once Draco's lips crashed against Harry's in a deep kiss that had been kept from both of the boys for weeks. It was everything they needed in the midst of pretending to hate each other. It got more and more difficult by the day, but at that moment they were together, and they were alone, and they had that moment. Nothing else mattered._

* * *

My eyes skimmed over the last sentence of the chapter and a groan of frustration drifted off my lips. Why did drarry do this to me? My hands found my phone which was still lit up on my tumblr dash, and I took a moment to glance at some Supernatural pictures before tapping out of it. I had never watched an episode of Supernatural in my life and yet somehow I knew the show better than most fans.

My attention quickly moved to my contacts and I searched for the one called _Not a Drug Dealer_ before quickly slapping my index finger against the call button. One ring, two rings, three rings.

"Iggy speaking." My boyfriend's voice chirped, and I felt my heart grumble at the smugness in his voice. He did this to me purposefully. I was completely convinced of that by now. There were no other options for my breaking heart as the Drarry fanfiction ended with no other chapters to help calm my fanboy soul.

"If you don't update your Drarry fic in the next day I will break up with you." I snarled viciously, quickly leaving a review that said 'update right now' as if that would speed it up more than my threat would.

"Which one?" Iggy asked innocently, as if he didn't know. I'd only been obsessing over this particularly story for weeks and he had _the nerve_ to ask which one?

" _The_ one." I persisted.

"The smut one was a one-shot, Fang-"

"No! You know damn well which one I'm talking about Iggy Peter Griffiths!"

"That is so not my middle name," Iggy pointed out, as if I didn't know that. I huffed angrily, running a hand through my hair in a failed attempt to calm down.

"Harry Potter and the Room of Requirement! Update _that_ one!" I found myself shouting, about ready to throw my smart phone across the room until I remembered that last time I did that my mother almost got me an ancient flip phone as punishment. I was lucky it was too close to my birthday for her to force that kind of pain upon me.

"Oh!" He said that as if he just realized. "Fang, I just updated that one today- like four minutes ago." Iggy explained calmly, and a feral noise left my throat.

"Did you just… growl?" Iggy pondered, sounding amused by my agony.

"I may have," I muttered.

"That was hot." I hung up the phone without even bothering to reply, turning back to my laptop and clicking into Iggy's profile to see if there was anything else worth reading. Of course I knew there wasn't considering I had just checked it five minutes ago but it still didn't hurt.

As always I came across the same nine fics Iggy had posted. Seven Harry Potter stories, one Supernatural, and another one that had something to do with bird-kids and their extraordinary life. I hadn't bothered to read the last two- only the Harry Potter ones. Those were the good ones.

A Fall Out Boy song sprung up from my phone and I rolled my eyes, quickly stabbing my finger against the 'ignore' button. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Iggy again. He had twenty-four hours before we broke up, he should have been using it to write gay fanfiction, not to make me growl over the phone.

My ringtone went off two more times before I became fed up with his persistence. The third time I shoved the phone to my ear and spat out some words before I could even hear him say hello. "Listen, you gay starburst-stealer, if I don't have Drarry fanfiction by tomorrow night I will burn your house down and you'll have to put the flames out with your tears."

"Uh… Fang, you're gay so that's not a very compelling insult," My younger sister, Ella, chirped up, and my eyes widened in shock as I stumbled over myself in hopes I could fix this.

"Oh- uh… I-"

"It's okay, I read the update too. You tell that gay starburst-stealer that if he ever wants to see Nudge alive again he will have it updated by tomorrow night." She said calmly, and I almost winced. Ella was currently having a sleepover with Iggy's adoptive sister so that could definitely be arranged. "Oh, and can you bring the cheddar chips over? We're getting kind of hungry."

"Sure thing, Sis." We hung up and I grabbed the bag of chips off my nightstand before walking across the hall into her room and passing them to her.

"Thanks, Bro."

"Are you sure you're gay?" Nudge asked, looking over at me from where she lay on the bed, peeking up from a fashion magazine.

"I mean last time I checked I was hella gay." I answered, and she frowned before getting a sly look on her face.

"I bet I could change your mind." Nudge winked, and Ella gagged.

"Nudge, do you _know_ where Fang's been? He has a boyfriend for crying out loud. _I_ don't even let him hug me without watching him wash his hands first."

"Well, have you done anything with Iggy?" Nudge inquired, raising an eyebrow. I shook my head quickly as Ella nodded.

"Fang tops most of the time." She informed, to which I physically felt my face turn red.

"Can we not talk about-"

"Oh, that's interesting. I mean I guess I can see it but Iggy's kinda crazy, ya know?"

"Oh, _I know._ " I blurted out before I could stop myself, and quickly slapped my hands over my mouth. Ella snickered and turned to Nudge to continue talking about Iggy and me, and I sprinted out of the room all the way back into mine, slamming the door shut and breathing hard from the five foot run. That was definitely enough exercise for a couple years.

A few minutes later I caught my breath and headed back to my bed, collapsing on it and looking over at my computer screen. On Iggy's story list was one called _Ransom._ It was a one-shot he wrote where Draco took Ginny and demanded Harry be his boyfriend or they'd never see her again. I smirked suddenly, an idea coming to mind. _Thank you, fanfiction and sisters._

Twenty minutes and some autocorrect later I sent a text message to Iggy that I was sure would get his attention. _Update by tomorrow night or you'll never see Nudge again, Love the Ride siblings._ Now all I had to do was wait.

* * *

One hour later I got a text back asking for a time and place, and called Ella to consult her about this. "I need a time and place to do the exchange," I explained, and I could picture her nodding her head in thought.

"Starbucks at eight o'clock. Tell him to order a vanilla bean frappuccino under the name PookieBear. He'll find us in the back booth where the shady lighting is."

"From there we can make the exchange," I finished with a grin and Ella agreed from the other end of the phone. She hung up and I relayed the information to Iggy who never responded. I shrugged to myself but didn't think much of it, slipping onto my tumblr to take my mind off the fic- or to try to anyways. However my dash was loaded with Drarry pictures thanks to all the blogs I followed, and I couldn't help but let anxiety trickle into my veins. What would the next chapter ensue? Would Draco and Harry finally come out of the closet as lovers or would they keep it a secret and torture themselves with snarky remarks to one another for all seven years at Hogwarts? The suspense was killing me.

That night, I hardly got any sleep, and what little rest I got was invaded by drarry dreams and Dumbledore fairies dancing in my head.

* * *

I stood in line, my foot tapping a beat to a song I knew better than myself as it moved up one person at a time. Four blueberry scones, one almond croissant blossom, and three different types of frappuccinos. It was almost too difficult to remember everyone's order, but I pulled through, ordering as quickly as possible and giving them "Batman' as my name.

If everything was timed correctly as Ella planned, then they would call my name just as Iggy stepped in. In the time it took me to get the drinks he'd cross my path, probably slap my butt since that was his favorite activity, and step into line. At least three people would give this action an odd look but I would ignore it and go sit at the booth. Just as Ella finished her second scone PookieBear would be called over the intercom. Then the real action would begin.

"Batman!" A robotic voice chimed up just as Iggy stepped inside the building. I casually walked over to get our order, attempting to ignore my boyfriend. It'd been a whole three days since the last time I saw him and yet somehow I wasn't supposed to kiss him until _after_ the whole exchange? I wasn't sure I could wait that long.

He smacked my butt right on cue and I flinched slightly but otherwise acted as if I didn't care. Then something went horribly wrong. Only two people gave this an odd look.

My heart stopped and rammed itself into my throat and I stumbled over my own two feet, dropping one of the drinks as I began hyperventilating. Oh no. This wasn't a part of the plan. Everything was going wrong. I was crashing and burning. I managed a terrified glance at Ella, who only facepalmed as if I was the screw-up when really it was her calculations that were the problem.

"Um Sir, are you-"

"It's ruined. Everything's ruined. We can't go through with this." I panicked, to which my sister looked away from me. Iggy peered over at me from his spot in line and I felt like the world was going to end. Only two people gave me a weird look. There was supposed to be three. _Three._ A number.

Ella got to her feet and scurried over to me, taking the rest of the food and drinks out of my hand. "I'm really sorry about my brother. He got dropped on his head when he was little." She gave the startled cashier a small smile and dragged me back to the booth, sitting me down with a rough shove.

"What the hell was that?" She demanded furiously, keeping her voice quiet.

"Only two people looked at me weird," I exclaimed, and watch as Ella's fury melted into horror.

"What?" She snapped, sounding absolutely appalled. "But I calculated three! How could my calculations be wrong? This is my seventh ransom there's no way I could get it wrong!" She shrieked, causing people to look over at us weirdly.

"Exactly, I-"

"Guys, that person behind Fang gave him a weird look, too. Did you count him?" We both looked at Nudge, who nodded at a random guy who was at least a seven out of ten. I blinked, feeling my panic drop.

"Oh,"

"Thank The Lord!" Ella gasped, sighing in relief as she sunk back in her chair. Everything was okay. The mission was back to normal. The world was on point again.

Ten minutes later PookieBear was called out and Iggy cam and joined us, sitting next to me and passing the vanilla bean frappuccino over. I took a greatly sip from the straw, attempting to ignore his hand as it fell on my knee. "So do we get to kiss before or after the trade?" He pondered.

"After!" Ella snapped before I could say 'before'. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at her, but didn't argue. After all this was a deal being made. There was no time for makeout sessions in the shady spots at Starbucks. Not yet, anyways.

"Okay, okay, fine." Iggy grumbled, slowly pulling at his phone and clicking on the internet browser. I watched as he searched up his drarry fic and felt myself drool when I noticed that chapter twenty-three had been uploaded. This was it.

I snatched the phone out of his hands and quickly navigated my way to the chapter, reading it as fast as I possibly could. Iggy yanked it out of my hands before I could finish though, and slid the phone over to Ella who checked it all out and nodded once. "Alright, Nudge, you get to go home."

"Yay! I ran out of my liquid eyeliner so I can finally put some on again!" She cheered, getting to her feet and grabbing Iggy's arm. "Take me home now so I can fix the hot mess that is my face and also convince you to break up with Fang!"

"What?" Iggy asked, sounding just as shocked as I felt.

"Oh nothing," Nudge laughed nervously. "Anyways, take me home!" She persisted and he sighed and turned to me helplessly. Disobeying Nudge was like disobeying a police officer. It didn't end well and somebody ended up in jail.

"Bye, Babe," Iggy kissed me deeply for a bit until Nudge yanked him away and I scowled to myself. I wanted a longer kiss than two minutes. My boyfriend grabbed his phone and hurried off, and I turned to Ella who finished off her third scone.

"We better get home. Mom will be back from her 'My son is gay and I don't know what color glitter to buy him' therapy in about an hour."

"Alright, let's get going, then." I agreed and we headed home where both of us could finish reading chapter twenty-three.

* * *

 _Draco tugged Harry's shirt off in a lust-filled frenzy, and the Boy Who Lived couldn't help but bite his lip to keep himself in check. Finally, the day he had been dreaming of had come. His world was about to be rocked in a new kind of way, and he couldn't wait for it. But just as he thought everything was going great it went horribly wrong. Impossibly, the Room of Requirement's door flung open._

A wild shriek flew out of my mouth at the chapter's ending, and I refreshed the page two or three times to make sure the website wasn't just glitching before I reached for my phone. He answered in two rings this time.

"Iggy Gabriel Griffiths so help me I will take all the pink starbursts in the world and _burn them_ so you can't have _any._ "

"The middle name isn't even close." Iggy let me know, to which I yelled into my phone and hung up with an animalistic groan. I had just dropped my phone onto the bed when my mother busted into the room, throwing blue glitter on me.

"Is this it? Is this the color you wanted?" She bellowed, and I glared at her.

"Black. I want _black glitter!_ Geezum, Mom, you should know this by now!" I snapped just as Ella shoved past our mother who stuttered for an apology.

"We need to kidnap his dog, Cheerio! He obviously didn't take the Nudge ransom seriously!" She spat to which I nodded in agreement, getting to my feet.

"Let's go kidnap that dog!" And the spiral of chaos that was my gay fanboy life began again.

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU**

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU**

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SARAHLINI**

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU**

 **Double the Jandom because I ship it so hard (OTP! OTP! OTP!)**

 **And I hope you enjoy the crack-fic because I shred genuine metaphorical tears writing this- especially when Fang's mom threw the glitter.**

 **I love you so much. You are such an amazing person and without you Figgy would only be a passing thought. You will always be my Random Nugget and best friend!**

 **Stay Majestic**

 **VR**


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